Pain Takes My Heart's Place
by adaylate
Summary: What if Meredith walked in on Mark, her ex?-fiancé, and Addison instead of Derek walking in on Mark and Addison? Maybe a move out to Seattle is what Meredith needs to get over the heartbreak, and maybe she'll meet a few people while she's there…
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I've had Pitterpat by Erin McCarley on repeat for some time now and this idea hit me. Try reading it and if you like it, leave a review and continue reading :). If you don't, I'm sorry.

**Disclaimer:** I'm afraid I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters.

**--**

**Pain Takes My Heart's Place**

_Chapter One_

The longest shift of Meredith's life had finally reached its end. Of course Meredith loved her job and the people she worked with, but sometimes… Sometimes, she just wanted to leave the hospital and spend time with her Black Labrador, her fiancé, and a nice, comfortable outfit. She took one last glance at the large hospital behind her and let out a sigh before she continued walking toward her car.

The rain continued to fall, so Meredith couldn't help but be grateful for the fact that she decided to park close to the Mount Sinai Medical Center early that morning. She eventually found herself situated in the driver's seat and then started the car, before she shifted the car into gear and pulled out of her parking space.

_Dug the moon into the ground,  
Turn this bedroom upside-down tonight.  
I took my faith and I breathed it out,  
Walked right through a cloud of flashing lights,  
Bright light._

For whatever reason, Meredith found that the fall of the rain and the constant sound of the windshield wipers relaxed her, so she didn't bother turning on the radio. She allowed thoughts to rush her mind and simply enjoyed the rain – a rainy day in New York, she loved it. Meredith never really cared for rain or thunderstorms when she lived in Boston, but the move to New York changed many things about her, for the better, and that included her love of the rain.

After a short time, the black and speedy car Meredith drove pulled up in front of her Brownstone home, and she parallel parked said car in front of it. She reached for her bags while still in the car so she wouldn't have to mess around with them while she stood getting drenched in the rain. Meredith let out a deep breath before she opened the car door and stepped out of the car, taking the blows from the rain.

_Pain takes my heart's place.  
The love we made, we can't erase it.  
Don't want to face it._

The door to her and her fiancé's home stood unlocked which did worry Meredith a little bit. Mark's car stayed parked next to hers, though, so she knew that he was in their place somewhere. She dropped her bags and took off her coat, setting them in their designated places, still without any word from Mark. She figured he was taking a shower or doing something else so she brushed it off and headed over toward the kitchen counter, deciding to go through the mail.

With the mail grasped in one of her tiny hands, Meredith turned from the counter to sit at the kitchen table. That happened, of course, after she made herself a cup of decaffeinated coffee. It took her a few minutes or so to glance over the mail and she decided that she should at least see what Mark was doing. So, she began her trek up the stairs with her coffee in one hand.

_Pitterpat, the angel on my shoulder is haunting me tonight.  
Tick-tock, the clock is getting louder, ready for me to decide._

That's when she saw the black stiletto on the ground that most definitely did not belong to her. The stiletto looked familiar though, and Meredith slowed her stroll to her and Mark's bedroom; nausea started to overcome her. The stiletto belonged to Addison, that she knew, but she never wore shoes in Meredith's home. They were best friends; Meredith knew her habits.

Meredith arrived in front of her bedroom door and hesitated a moment before she reached for the door knob and opened the door. She stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth slightly agape, when she saw Addison newly showered and in _Meredith_'s robe, on _her_ bed. But there could have been a reason for that maybe, so Meredith relaxed the slightest bit. Until her fiancé stepped out of the connected bathroom, newly showered and in his robe as well.

_I've lost my sense of right and wrong,  
When justified, my soul to carry on.  
I feel so damn good to write off the rules,  
but when a new day breaks, I'm left a fool.  
I'm such a fool._

After a few glances around her room, Meredith felt tears sting her eyes and the shocked and dumbfounded look on Mark's face only seemed to make matters worse. She sent Mark a glance that said so much and so little at the same time – _How could you? _Why_ would you? With her? … It's over. So over._ Meredith dropped her mug of coffee and left the room as quickly as she could. Her vision blurred with tears but she couldn't stop walking. Not then, not ever. Mark had promised her a lifetime and there he was, with her best friend. She couldn't handle that.

Meredith finally made it down the stairs and then halfway slid on her coat, grabbed her bags, and grabbed her dog, too. She knew she was leaving New York and heading toward the airport. It was time to leave New York and leave everything that had just happened behind. Once in the car, and her well trained Black Lab seated comfortably in the passenger seat next to her, she drove off without taking a single glance back at her—Mark's Brownstone, where he stood on the stairs and watched her drive off with tears stinging his own eyes.

_Pain takes my heart's place,  
Your sweet, sweet love,  
I can taste it,  
But still can't face it._

She reached over and gently began to pet Molly, her dog that Mark named, and tried to keep her cool and ensure the dog that everything was going to be fine. Or maybe Meredith was trying to ensure herself. The tears continued to roll down her cheeks... The sobs wracked her body. Gasp. No air. _I can't breathe_. She just wanted the images to stop, that's all. The constant replay needed to stop. Pause, at least. Meredith figured that was not asking for much considering all that had happened – she found it amazing how such little time could change so much. One second. One moment. Everything she knew... Gone. _Because I'm not Addison Montgomery_.

Her eyes fell on her engagement ring and another sob wracked her tiny body. Gasp. Choking. _Breathe_. Blink. Once. Twice. She couldn't bring herself to take off the ring. They had already spent so much time together; three Christmases, three New Years, three Thanksgivings, three of Meredith's birthdays, three of Mark's. She couldn't simply throw that away, not even after what had happened. The worst of it seemed to be the fact that their wedding date was only a month and a half away, and Meredith thought she was done.

_Pitterpat, the angel on my shoulder is haunting me tonight.  
Tick-tock, the clock is getting louder, ready for me to decide.  
The sun is coming down on me;  
Could fate be so unkind?_


	2. Chapter 2

Song – My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne.

**--**

**Pain Takes My Heart's Place**

_Chapter Two_

Meredith yawned again – which marked three times – as one of the flight attendants offered a pillow to the row she sat in. She sat in the window seat and the man sitting next to her fell asleep long ago, so she wordlessly motioned for a pillow and mouthed a simple "Thank you" as the pillow entered her grasp. Meredith slowly tucked the pillow behind her head and realized just how uncomfortable she was. But, she sat in an upright seat, so she expected nothing less.

The scenes of her might-or-might-not-be-ex-fiancé and might-or-might-not-be-ex-best friend continuously played on in her mind. Meredith figured falling asleep would not be an option because she really, truly did not want to see _those_ two in her dreams—nightmares, whatever. Her eyes continued to droop, and she could feel her body willing itself to sleep. And then she vaguely thought that she might not even dream (who actually sleeps well on a plane?)… That was the last conscious thought Meredith made before she fell asleep.

_So much for my happy ending…_

...Her hands tangled in his hair as his warm lips continued to leave a firey trail down her chest. She tilted her head back as a contented sigh fled her lips, and she could practically feel the smirk that curved his lips at her responses. Tension always arose between the two of them – his steamy body and her long legs and red hair. They finally allowed themselves to go for it and not hold back any emotions, feelings, sounds, wants…

"Hmpf," Meredith grumbled as the overhead light clicked on above her. Her eyes squeezed shut involuntarily along with the scrunching of her nose.

"Oops, sorry," she heard a man's voice answer. And then her pillow moved under her head – the pillow that she had suddenly realized solidified – followed by the light clicking off. Even though she wanted nothing more than to fall back to sleep, she realized that she had this sudden urge to see if she really borrowed his shoulder. She grumbled when she realized she had, and she was too tired to move.

Meredith held every right to be tired though. She woke up early to make pre-rounds, she worked efficiently all day long, she walked in on… Well, she made it through a long, horrendous day, and she simply. Needed. Sleep. That could not have been too much to ask for- well, evidently it was.

"Oh, I- Sorry," she mumbled, finding a flicker of energy, as she sat upright and off of the man sitting next to her. Once she tucked a stray strand of hair back behind her ear, she turned her head to meet his gaze, and a set of amazing blue eyes clashed with her green ones.

_It's nice to know that you were there  
Thanks for acting like you cared  
And making me feel like I was the only one_

"It's fine," the man smiled tiredly. "I'm the one that woke you up, and I know how difficult it is to catch some shut eye on planes…"

Meredith diverted her gaze from his and gave a simple nod. A strange feeling came over her as their eyes met, and that should not have happened. Not then, not after what had _just_ happened, not ever. Because she thought she was done. That she had found the person that she was going to spend the rest of her life with—and then it ended. And she was in so much pain it was unbearable. It was unimaginable, and she couldn't explain every emotion.

But she felt everything. Every. Single. Emotion.

The man glanced over at Meredith once more and couldn't help but notice how the inner battle she continued to fight mirrored her facial features. "You okay?"

A small nod said that she was fine, "Yeah. Just need some sleep, I guess." However, sleep was the last thing on her mind, because Mark and Addison lurked in her nightmares, and the nausea she felt accompanied the images every single time. _Every single goddamn time_.

"Well, you've already claimed my shoulder as a pillow, so feel free to use it," the man whispered with a soft chuckle.

His laughed grabbed Meredith's attention immediately. She couldn't help but smile the slightest best, and partially notice that her issues disappeared for one split second.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," she whispered in return as she repositioned the pillow behind her head. This time she made sure she reclined at an angle that would keep her in her own seat, and kept her thoughts on other events—other _happier _events.

_It's nice to know we had it all  
Thanks for watching as I fall  
And letting me know we were done_

Meredith repositioned herself in the seat and let out a tiny, frustrated sigh. Who knew trying to get comfortable could have been so difficult. Earlier, it was a matter of staying awake long enough to step onto the plane; now, she wasn't too tired, but tired enough to know that sleep was in order. A necessity. She wasn't even worried about the dreams she would have because Mark and Addison polluted her conscious thoughts anyway. They polluted her thoughts in a way that made her feel like she couldn't get away from them, and in a way that made her feel like they were drowning her. The metaphorical waves lapped her over and over. Relentlessly.

She wasn't sad anymore, not entirely. The anger began to build up in her and overtake the sadness. No, that was a lie. But she continued to tell herself that she didn't do anything wrong—that they worked at the same hospital, worked in the same field, loved each other... Their relationship was fine and they were planning on getting married. That should constitute fine. But reality bit her in the ass.

_Was it something I did?  
Was it something you said?  
Don't leave me hanging_

Then Meredith began to wonder if what took place between Mark and Addison happened only once or multiple times, and she couldn't control the tears and nausea that came along with that thought.

"S'cuse me," she mumbled as she stood up and made her way out of the row, and into the aisle. The restroom stood a short distance away and from what she saw it looked unoccupied.

Once she shut the door behind her, she leaned back against the wall and tilted her head back. Eyes closed, she sobbed. Flat out _sobbed_. After a good sixty seconds, she concentrated on evening out her breathing and holding back her gasps; that is, before someone knocked on the thin, sad-excuse-for-a-door. Meredith cleared her throat and wiped at her cheeks.

"One sec."

"Are you sure you're okay?" There his now familiar voice was. It sounded strangely comforting.

"Yup. _Peachy_," she mumbled and slowly opened the door.

"You know, this might be considered stalking," Meredith muttered.

"This might also be considered curiosity. Worry," he responded.

"I don't even know your name."

"Derek," he stated with a smile. _A freaking smile_.

"Okay, Derek, I- It's been a rough day for me."

Derek didn't say anything and simply followed her back to their seats. "And I don't even know your name."

"Meredith," she sighed.

"Meredith," he mumbled. "I don't know what got me to get up and see if you were all right. It just happened, something I couldn't control." _Something about her._

"Right. I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"Okay," he nodded.

And again, she willed herself to sleep. _Please_...

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it  
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
All this time you were pretending_


	3. Chapter 3

Song – See You in My Nightmares by Kanye West.

**--**

**Pain Takes My Heart's Place**

_Chapter Three_

The soft sound of a _click_ met her ears as Meredith pulled her hotel key-card out of the slot. The green light flicked on and she pulled the door handle down, struggling to make it through the door with her dog fighting to walk into the room between her legs. The doorway only stood so large, yet her dog, her bag, and Meredith herself managed to fit through it. Meredith let the door fall back and shut as she dropped her purse and let out a tired sigh, vaguely glancing at the hotel room before she flipped on the lights. Nothin' special.

Once she locked the door behind her, she slowly walked toward the beds, noticing that her dog already claimed one of the two. She plopped herself down on the empty bed and noticed she brought her cell phone to the bed with her. A small, tired, and defeated sigh pushed past her lips as she pressed the power button on her cell phone. She waited for her phone to go through its usual powering up stages, and then the ring tones began to play. E-mail, missed call, e-mail, voicemail message, text message, missed call, voicemail message…

One particular text message caught her eye.

**You're going to Seattle, aren't you?**

She raised an eye brow momentarily and silently wished she never told Mark about her secret want to travel to Seattle. Meredith said a number of times that if time and opportunities permitted, she would catch a flight across the country. Seattle captured her interest and she couldn't figure out why. But that didn't matter, because Mark remembered. And he knew that she would go to Seattle.

A swift movement sent her phone to land near the end of the bed. Meredith rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, after she glanced over to find her dog fast asleep.

"_You're it for me, Meredith," he mumbled._

Meredith let out an overly sarcastic and bitter laugh, to herself, before she buried herself under the covers.

**---**

"Come on, Molly, we're doing awesome," Meredith stated, only slightly out of breath. She gripped her dog's leash in one hand and she skipped one of the songs on her iPod with her free hand.

Meredith figured her and Molly might as well continue their routine of a morning jog. Besides, Meredith knew she needed the exercise—it always managed to calm her down on a stressful day. Keep her in the moment. Or, at least, get her mind off of issues at hand. The steady feel of her sneakers hitting the solid ground and the feel of her pony tail flipping ever-so-slightly back and forth, even the occasional hair bangs-in-face, remained something constant. She needed the consistency.

The individuals of Seattle and the tourists (her included) continued on with their lives, and Meredith realized life didn't slow down and wait for her to stand back up on her own two feet. She had some down time, some tears, and some regret—she needed to get her head back into the game; in this case, the game of life... If it's even considered a game. A twisted game.

"All right, good girl," she gently patted her dog on the head and slowed down to a walking pace. She noticed a bench up a ways and she planned on taking a vacant spot on it, and giving her dog some water.

Guess what? Plans change.

"Meredith, right?"

"Derek," and their eyes locked.

_I got the right to put up a fight  
But not quite 'cause you cut off my light._

Meredith took in his looks, noticing that he wore navy blue scrubs. And a lab coat. And of course, the infamous pager and cell phone combination on the pant rim.

"You're a runner, huh?"

"You're a doctor?"

"Yeah, work right over there," he motioned toward the hospital near them. Meredith read Seattle Grace Hospital out in front. She also felt the blood drain from her cheeks when she realized that she mentally wrote Seattle Grace on her list of hospitals to check out for future work purposes.

"Learn something new every day."

Derek chuckled and Meredith couldn't help but notice the way his head tilted a little bit to one side. She definitely noticed the sound of his soft laugh, too. Comforting. Refreshing. _Cute._ Derek reached down and began to pet Meredith's Black Labrador, wordlessly asking permission to do so, which she gave, only using eye contact.

The sound of her cell phone ringing snapped her attention away from him. She reached down and grabbed her phone, but only briefly glanced at the screen. Mark.

No.

Not yet.

She couldn't talk to him yet. She couldn't _think_ about him yet.

A nimble finger silenced her phone as she shifted her eyes to Derek again.

"But, uh, I've got to get her some water," Meredith motioned down at Molly. "I'll see you around?"

"Yeah. How about eight o'clock tonight?"

Meredith laughed despite herself. "I barely know you, Derek."

Her laugh—he knew for sure that he absolutely loved her laugh.

_But my sight is better tonight and I might  
See you in my nightmare, oh well, how did you get there?  
'Cause we were once a fairytale  
But this is fair well._

"So give me a chance to talk. Tell you about myself… And then have you tell me about _yourself_."

Meredith contemplated this, and wordlessly gave a nod. "All right. A chance to talk…"

"That's all I'm asking for. Now," he smiled and it instantly captured Meredith's attention.

Meredith gave him an incredulous look that soon turned into an entertained expression. She rambled off her phone number seeing how Derek would react to the whole situation. It didn't seem to faze him. He pulled out his cell phone and typed her number in like he typed it in plenty of times. Must be the Med School memory. Or the ability to hold information and promptly regurgitate it.

_I got my life and it's my only one.  
I got the night, I'm running from the sun._

And then her phone rang again.

**8:00 tonight. Meet me at the clock tower.**

She chuckled again. "See you tonight, then, Dr. Shepherd," she mumbled after reading his ID tag. And that statement caught her off guard. She definitely acted out of character by agreeing to meet a guy she barely knew. But it sounded adventurous, and she wanted an adventure… An adventure with a mysterious, captivating guy.

"See you tonight, Meredith," Derek repeated with a certain twinkle in his eye.

"Dr. Grey," she corrected with a cocky grin. He couldn't have all the _I'm special, I'm a doctor_ perks. Meredith nodded with a hint of a smirk as she walked off with Molly.

She deemed Seattle special, and knew it awestruck her for all the right reasons.

_After tonight, there will be no return._


	4. Chapter 4

Song — The Ocean by Mae.

**--**

**Pain Takes My Heart's Place**

_Chapter Four_

Meredith checked her outfit in the mirror yet again and readjusted the top she wore. She lifted her arms up and moved stray pieces of her dirty blonde back into place. Her outfit looked perfect and so did her hair, but for some reason, she really wanted to look nice. The first night out on the town, with Captivating Guy, and also the first night she went out with a guy who knew nothing of Mark. Who knew nothing about her either.

Call it starting fresh, call it re-living her pre-Mark days, call it a simple night out—bottom line, she wanted to look nice, and she did. She mentally scratched that off of her 'list' and gave herself a half-hearted smirk in the mirror before she stepped away from it. Meredith grabbed her purse, BlackBerry, and a light jacket on her way out.

The cab she called parked almost directly out front of the main doors of her hotel. She smiled as she slid into the back seat and politely told the driver where to go.

**You still coming?**

She smiled as her fingers typed a response.

_**Yep. On my way.**_

_**Okay. I'm here.**_

Meredith typed a smiley face once, and proceeded to delete it before sending the text message. She couldn't figure out if sending a smiley face would have been too childish or not, so she decided against it. She wasn't feeling smiley anyway.

**---**

"Well, look at you," Meredith stated as she stepped out of the cab. Of course, after she paid the set price.

"More like look at you," Derek mumbled while taking in her outfit and her overall natural womanly curves. He continued to glance over her until he met her eyes and became transfixed by them. Derek couldn't bite back the grin that curved his lips as he took a step or two closer to her, almost cautiously.

"So," she spoke softly as her soft gaze remained locked with his. "What'd you plan for us?"

"Just a little something," he replied with a shrug. He nodded his head in one direction and began walking alongside Meredith down the sidewalk.

Once they arrived in front a well lit building, Derek held the door open for Meredith and they headed over to the bar. She easily slid onto one of the bar stools and situated herself on it while Derek claimed the bar stool directly next to her.

He ordered a simple beer, and Meredith allowed a tiny glimpse of her infectious giggle to fall from her lips at his drink choice as she ordered a shot of tequila.

"Tequila?" Derek asked in surprise. His eye brows rose slightly.

"What, a girl can't drink?"

"No… Well, yeah, but I didn't mean… Hey, can we get another?" Derek motioned toward the tequila shot sitting in front of Meredith.

_Am I alone in this?  
Never a night where I can sleep myself till day.  
We must try to figure it out, figure it out._

Meredith smirked over at him as she hooked a couple of her fingers around the shot glass. She waited patiently as the bartender brought Derek a shot, and Meredith gave him a simple glance over as she took the shot as if it tasted like water. Meredith savored the burning sensation the tequila caused as it trailed down her esophagus and finding home in her stomach.

"Another?" Derek asked with a raised brow, flipping his glass upside down to resemble Meredith's as he placed it next to hers. It looked like the beginning of an empty shot-glass pile, and Derek found the whole situation a bit of a turn on.

"Yup," she nodded.

After a few shots, Meredith decided that the need to stay at the bar no longer existed—not that it did exist before. But she wanted to move around and… dance. She felt a smirk curve her lips as she slipped off of the bar stool, and wound up directly in front of Derek, in between his legs. Meredith placed one of her tiny hands on his chest and gently dragged it across to one of the buttons on his shirt.

She smiled up at him, "Let's dance."

"Dance," he responded.

"Yes."

_It won't be that easy,  
We lost it somehow._

Meredith's hand made a slow trail down to his hand as she gently grasped it. She began to walk toward the dance floor, and dodged individuals who already made their way to where she headed toward. Derek simply followed behind her and let her fully take charge. After a few more steps, Meredith turned smoothly and let her hand fall free of Derek's.

She began to dance as though no one was watching her. Swaying her hips evenly, matching the rhythm of the song. She simply let loose, and let the music control her moves. She let go of her inhibitions and her obvious boyfriend/fiancé/daddy/guy-issues and just allowed herself to feel… liberated.

What she didn't know: Derek wanted nothing more than to get to know her, and get to dance with her. She seemed to rapture his senses and interests in every aspect and he couldn't deny that he wanted to know her. More of her, not just the glimpse he received when she let a crack in her wall appear. She sealed it up just as quickly as it fell.

He grinned at how free-spirited she appeared in the moment and stepped in behind her, not yet placing his hands anywhere on her body. Meredith giggled slightly and lifted her arm up, so her hand could reach up and run through his dark, wavy locks. She pressed her back into him and continued to move her hips with the music, letting her hair fall freely. It looked like the most natural thing for her, and she was enjoying herself, and the same went for Derek.

Derek stepped in closer and closer to her as time wore on. His hands slid down her sides and one of them planted itself on her hip, while the other cautiously roamed her body. He began to feel more and more comfortable and the two of them seemed to find a perfect rhythm with one another. Each look Derek caught of Meredith brought a grin onto his face. Derek let out a low chuckle over her ear, and Meredith tried her best to ignore the shivers that went up her spine.

Meredith turned around in his arms, being sure to stay close to him and keep her body moving. Their hips fit perfectly together. She felt safe, protected, and yet she felt free and able to have fun. Derek's eyes met hers and they didn't break the connection as their bodies began to grind against each other. One of Derek's hands fell to the small of Meredith's back and he gently pressed her into him, as their eye contact remained strong. Meredith pulled herself closer to him and Derek's leg wound up between Meredith's legs, his dark blue eyes staring directly into her light green eyes.

She took in a sharp breath as his thigh rubbed up against her, and a sly expression took over both of their faces. Their bodies moved to the music, but their grinding became more obvious as time wore on. The dance changed—it seemed like much more than that; like they expressed their desires in their actions.

_You come over unannounced,  
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.  
I need you here tonight  
Just like the ocean needs the waves._

"Let's get out of here," Meredith stated.

Derek nodded and followed exceedingly close behind Meredith as they made their way through the crowd once again.

Once outside, Meredith glanced up at Derek with a smile on her face. She laughed softly for no apparent reason and stepped in close to Derek, and became a little surprised to feel Derek's arm wrap around her waist.

"Cab?" Derek asked.

"To… Where?"

"Doesn't matter, you decide."

Meredith visibly pondered this for a moment, her eyebrows knitting together, and she opened her mouth to respond, but her cell phone beat her to the punch. She felt her heart strain as though she already knew who was calling, and a newly shaking hand reached into her bag to grab her phone.

It took a couple of short seconds for her eyes to tear up. Mark's name flashed on the screen and she stared at it for a single moment, before she glanced up at Derek with an apologetic expression—accompanied with tears.

"I'm sorry... I— It's… I'm sorry," she spoke before turning on her heel and walking away from Derek, head low.

She couldn't continue with Derek. She just couldn't. Despite all the feelings and how betrayed she felt with Mark, she couldn't throw away what their past.

_Oh, the night becomes the space  
That's somewhere in between  
What I feel and what I'm told._

Meredith pressed the 'Answer' button on her cell phone and pulled it up to her ear, not saying anything, and definitely not turning around to face Derek (she couldn't stomach that as well).

"Mere?" He questioned.

"Hmm?"

"Meredith," he said again, only this time more relieved than anything. "I need to see you—talk to you… Please, Meredith. I need a chance to explain."

She was silent for a few painfully long seconds. "Where are you?" She asked. Mark could hear the sadness in her voice. Meredith tired her best to conceal it, but despite her best efforts, Mark knew her.

"Seattle, at a little café," he trailed off, before mentioning the name of the little café. His fingers played with the outside of his decaffeinated coffee while he debated in proceeding with his words or waiting on her to say something. _Anything._

"I'm going to my hotel," Meredith garbled, ready to hang up the phone at any second. Anger rose from her depths unexpectedly and she couldn't believe how Mark could have betrayed her. She gripped her phone a little tighter as her anger rose and tears fell. Her legs felt weak and she felt the need to just crawl into bed and start a new day. Erase the past, move on… Something.

Betrayal. It's just not part of the engagement deal.

"Wait—," Mark stated as he sensed she wanted to end their call. "What's the name of the hotel?"

"—"

"Please," he whispered.

Seconds seemed like an eternity as Mark waited for her to answer—to say anything—on the other end of the line. Meredith audibly inhaled as another lone tear blazed a trail down her soft cheek. With immense hesitation, she muttered the hotel name before hanging up the phone.

_Fall around me now  
Like stars that shine and brighten the way.  
I need you here tonight  
Just like this night it needs the rain._


	5. Chapter 5

Song — In His Touch by Céline Dion.

**--**

**Pain Takes My Heart's Place**

_Chapter Five_

The moment Meredith stepped into her hotel room, she dropped her purse and went straight for the restroom. She flipped on the light-switch and grabbed at three or four separate tissues from the Kleenex box on the counter and brought them directly to her face. Meredith wiped her eyes gently and eventually took a fleeting look at herself in the mirror, only to find herself face-to-face with a woman who had red blotches and stained cheeks from crying.

What she saw didn't resemble the Meredith she knew at all. The woman she saw looked as though walls had crashed around her and each separate brick that fell represented a tiny stab at her heart—metaphorically speaking, yet also figuratively… She did feel as though she had a broken heart and no one, she determined easily, should ever have to feel that particular way. Ever. No matter their past or circumstances. Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

Meredith dropped the used tissues into the trash bin and walked out to eradicate her coat. She lazily draped the article of clothing over the tiny table in her hotel room and wandered over to the tiny refrigerator to snatch a bottle of water. After removing the lid, she took a few sips and then jumped the tiniest bit when she heard a knock on her door. She inhaled sharply, clearly knowing who waited on the other side of the door, and then set the water bottle down before unhurriedly making her way over to the knocking.

She unlocked the door and hesitantly opened it, bringing her directly in front of the man she traveled across the country to get away from. Bummer.

They stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity, but not before Meredith noticed the relief that washed over Mark's face when she opened the door, and the warmth that appeared in his eyes as they fell upon her petite figure. The sorrow. The love. Her face remained emotionless, save for whatever remained from her crying fiasco earlier. And she hardly ever cried, so this frightened her—the crying thing, over a guy. She promised herself at a young age that she wouldn't turn into one of _those_ girls, yet she couldn't help it.

_Forgive me,  
Don't know where to start.  
I guess we've come to  
The serious part._

Her hand dropped from the door and she simply left it open, Mark still outside the door, as she turned from it and walked back into her room. Meredith grabbed the water bottle again and this time took a seat in one of the chairs surrounding a little square table in the hotel room. Numb fingers deftly amused themselves with the water bottle as Meredith gazed off into space, out the window. The darkness made it difficult to make out any real building or object, but the occasional building light and star in the sky made for amusement.

Mark took a few steps into the hotel room, but didn't shut the door or walk over to Meredith at once. He watched her movements closely and noticed how significantly her demeanor changed—this Meredith before him acted more dark and twisty than bright and shiny. He did this. He vowed not to allow the dark and twisty Meredith to return years ago, and there she sat… Mark closed the door and locked it as she had it before he knocked, and stuffed his hands into his coat pockets while he cautiously wandered over to where she sat. He gave their Labrador a simple pat on the head on the way over, but his focused remained one hundred percent on Meredith.

_I need to find out  
If there's a chance  
For us._

"Hi." Mark stated in a whisper while he pulled out the other chair. Meredith barely nodded her head in acknowledgment, but Mark's eyes discerned the minute action. He sat down and followed her gaze outside the window. They sat in silence, simply staring for quite a while before Mark tore his gaze from the window and fixed it onto Meredith.

"I know what I did was beyond horrible," he began, keeping his voice in the same whisper he used primarily. "And you did not deserve it… You deserve so much more, _so_ much more than what I have given you. I'm an ass—no, worse than that… It's indescribable. There's no word for what I am." He spoke slowly; cautiously.

_Cheat. Bastard. Liar. Man-whore…_

"But I will regret what happened every day of my life, and I have regretted it since I saw your face when you walked in and then drove off… A part of me left with you—a large part of me, and I feel like I can't breathe without you, Meredith. You have my heart."

_Don't give me that same old look  
It won't win me over._

Tears stung his eyes as he ran a hand through his hair, but Meredith remained unaffected. She sat emotionless and detached, and her eyes still gazed out the window, into darkness as she waited in silence. Before long, though, her eyes drifted from the window and down to the bottled water in front of her. She analyzed the plastic carefully—at least it seemed as though she was analyzing it—before she began to shake her head slowly.

"With _Addison_, Mark? With my best friend? While I was _working_?" She began quietly, but felt her voice becoming louder as the anger rushed back into her veins. "I had had a long—no, beyond long day, and I just wanted to come home and see you. Spend time with you and our dog. I walked in and it was dark and empty, so I glanced through the mail while I made a cup of coffee… I called for you. I said your _name_ and I knew something was wrong when you didn't answer. So I went upstairs…" She trailed off.

The tears stung her eyes, but she began to confuse herself emotionally as she felt anger and sadness simultaneously. They both fought for control, but both of the emotions kept strong, not letting up one ounce of the energy they contained.

"I heard her. I heard you. The stiletto… It wasn't mine," she stated. Her eyes flicked over to him and bore right into his own, and Mark brought in a sharp breath of air as he noticed the iciness in her usually warm, green eyes. "How could you?" She questioned accusingly, eyes narrow.

"What would _possess_ you to do something like _that_?" She hissed and stood up from the table. Mark did the same and she tried to turn away—get away; do anything—to get away from him. The tears began to fall powerfully and she let out a semi-soft sob.

_You can say you love me,  
That I'm your perfect crush,  
How it hurts to need someone that much…_

Mark walked over to her again, trying to get close to her, while he remained silent. Tears stained his own cheeks as new ones began to fall, and he became surprised to hear her voice once again.

"How could you, Mark? How could you do this… How— Could you?" She continued the mantra as her tiny, ineffectual fists began to hit his chest. This action just caused Mark to step in closer to her, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his warm body. She continued to hit her fists into his chest with the little amount of energy she had left, and she couldn't stop crying. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop.

"Mere… Meredith," he whispered and brought one hand up to still her fists, while he pulled her even closer to him with his other arm. "I'm sorry, Meredith… I'm so, so sorry… I'm sorry."

Meredith finally gave up and dropped her hands from his chest, and barely wrapped her arms around his waist as he continued to hold her close. Both of his arms wrapped around her while her cries wracked her body, and Mark felt his heart strain to a level he had never felt before as he felt her small body try to hold in her emotions against him.

He didn't say anything as silent tears fell down his own cheeks. Mark just held her as close as possible and lifted his hand again, this time to bury it into her dirty blonde locks. Meredith's tears began to stain Mark's shirt but she simply couldn't bring herself to care as she exhaustedly—emotionally and physically—clung to him.

_You can swear you mean it,  
But that ain't good enough  
'__Cause when a man loves a woman it is all  
In his touch._

Her grasp loosened on him as Meredith felt her breathing even out, slowly but surely. Mark still held her close, however, and he had no intentions of letting her go anytime soon. But she wanted out.

"_No_," she whispered harshly as she pulled away, out of his grasp. She would usually find comfort in her future husband. He would know how to fix things. But _he_ hurt her. Where could she find comfort now?

"She wanted me to tell you that what happened was the biggest mistake of her life," Mark whispered softly. "She's flying out to Seattle sometime soon, too… She misses you, and she doesn't want to lose you. Like I don't… Ever. I can't be without you, Meredith."

She couldn't hear Addison's name. She began to turn away.

Mark saw this and gently grasped her forearm, tenderly running the pad of his thumb over her soft, silky skin—his touch felt electrifying. Their gazes locked and neither one of them turned away. They felt together on a new level—drawn together—and Meredith didn't turn away as she saw Mark bowing his head down to meet their lips.

'_Cause now that we've come this far  
We don't want to loose it.  
If you wanna win my heart,  
Baby, just shut your mouth._

His lips were soft against hers. Tentative. They meshed together perfectly, yet Mark pulled away after their lips met once. If his touch previously felt electrifying, their kiss represented some sort of lightning storm. He met her gaze again, before he leaned down for another kiss. This time, however, he didn't pull away and nor did she. Their lips soon found perfect synchronization as they angled and slid together. His hand reached up and buried itself into her lavender-scented hair again, becoming intoxicated by the scent as he began to gently run the tip of his tongue along her bottom lip.

Meredith felt her knees begin to weaken as he softly and sensually began to suck on her lower lip, accompanied by a gentle nibble every now and then. She found herself parting her lips, granting him access as his tongue sought entry. Meredith felt as though she was melting into his muscular body and Mark stood more than happy to support her weight.

How much time had passed, neither of them knew, but they remained so engrossed in each other that they couldn't part. They missed each other and on top of that, all of their emotions began to seep into their kiss as time wore on, making their kiss a powerful one at that.

Maybe this was their second chance. Maybe this was supposed to make their relationship stronger.

She sighed into his mouth and gradually parted from him once the kiss lightened a little bit. The tip of her tongue gracefully slid along her now red and plump lips as she savored the taste of him.

"I love you, Meredith."

Meredith stood quietly as his words echoed repeatedly in her thoughts. With their lips a mere hair's width apart, she brought her gaze up to meet his once more, while she whispered against his lips, "Show me that you do, Mark… Actions speak louder than words."

Mark bowed his head after he nodded his head and then placed a gentle, loving kiss on her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere; not without you."

With a sad smile, he turned from where they stood and headed for the door. He glanced back at her before he walked out, practically whispering his next few words. "I love you, Mere," he repeated. "Don't forget that, okay?"

She stood wordlessly, and watched him walk out from her sight and close the door.

_I'm fine. I'll be okay... I'm just fan-freaking-tastic. _But the tears fell.

_You can swear you mean it  
But that ain't good enough  
'__Cause when a man loves a woman it is all  
In his touch…  
Then words don't mean that much._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Dad, this is for you. For ruining everything and proving that I was right about you all along... But you gave me inspiration to continue this story. You made me realize _exactly_ how this story must end. How this chapter in my life must end.

Song – No Surprise by Daughtry.

**--**

**Pain Takes My Heart's Place**

_Chapter 6_

Meredith lounged in her bed that morning, half of her attention on the television and the other half on the engagement ring on her finger. She absentmindedly twirled it around her finger, over and over, as the news channel spoke about a motor vehicle accident that blocked up a busy highway. The news anchor chuckled as his partner cracked and joke, and Meredith let out a sigh as she reached for the remote and promptly turned off the television. An accident wasn't funny, even if you did change topics. After a quick glance out the window, she stole another look at the engagement ring. She blinked once. Twice.

Some sort of inner-strength finally made it able for her to remove the ring. This process went about slowly, but the ring wound up in the drawer of the bedside table. The action did not take place in an evil manner; rather, relief seemed to spread throughout Meredith's body as she slowly shut the drawer, leaving the ring inside. In the darkness of the drawer... It sat next to a Bible, if that made a difference. She invested three years into this, and she realized how lucky she had it (well, in a sense) considering she did not spend twenty-one years with him. Three seemed better. _And_ their wedding had not taken place. She did not have children with him, either, so she did not have to worry about another individual feeling hurt and abandonment by Mark's actions.

Looking down at her outfit, which consisted of sweatpants and a cute T-shirt, Meredith decided that house hunting was a necessity. She needed to get that out of the way so she could _really_ begin her life, find herself without her other half. Meredith glanced in the mirror a final time before she bid farewell to Molly for a little while, and she walked out of the room. The cab ride to the real estate agent's office had its quiet moments, so Meredith thought over every event that has happened. At least Mark went with someone his own age; this made Meredith feel as though she looked beautiful. Mark did not get with a twenty-two year old... He stuck within his own age group.

_I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round  
And now I think that I've got it all down  
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds  
'__Cause I'm not taking the easy way out  
Not wrapping this in ribbons  
Shouldn't have to give a reason why_

Meredith did not ruin their promise. She remained faithful. Mark _made_ the decision. _He _did this, and she appeared sick of blaming herself. Yes, a relationship takes two, and yes, Mark chose Addison. He made it incredibly clear as he went behind Meredith's back for who knows how long; he made time for Addison and he could not even do that for his future wife. He made his desires clear in his and Meredith's own bed... With another woman. After _three _years. Meredith did not even know if this affair was the first one. How many other women were there? One thing she knew for sure was that she did not care to know as she believed firmly in the phrase, "once a cheater, always a cheater." It happened too many times in her life, and she realized that she had been incredibly too quick to forgive. This was the death-blow, though. The straw that broke the camel's back.

She would use a bad example for a good one. What she saw in Mark, she would steer clear of in another man... But she was not quite sure if she _wanted _anyone else. She thought she was done. She thought she had found the one.

However, he did _this_ to _her._

The disgust, hatred, sadness, disbelief... It seemed too much to bear at some points. It seemed easier to drown her feelings in tequila and forget it all, but she did not and she knew it would not be easier. Truth: there was no easy way. Mark took the easy way, though, instead of telling her that their relationship was not working, instead of working through their difficult times _with_ her... He found someone else. He replaced Meredith.

The path of least resistance. She chuckled numbly. Science.

_It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow  
I can't believe that I stayed till today  
Yeah, you and I will be a tough act to follow  
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise_

Meredith's fingers found Derek's number in her Contacts list and she scrolled to the "Call Derek" option. She pressed it. Two rings passed before she heard his comforting voice on the other end.

"Can we talk?"

"Yes, I think an explanation could help me out here," he replied.

A short silence followed.

"Are you free now?" He continued.

"Yes."

"Coffee place closest to the hospital?"

"Yes. See you in a few," she stated, nodding to herself as she did so.

"All right, then," he followed.

Meredith's _click_ followed his words.

Only a second seemed to pass before Meredith realized she had already arrived at the coffee place. She paused for a moment before thanking the cab driver and paying the amount due. With her purse snug around shoulder, she opened the door to the little shop and spotted Derek straight away, as if her eyes were trained to find him.

He smiled ever-so-slightly. She did not.

"Hi," she stated, sounding almost out of breath for whatever reason.

"Hey," he answered and pushed a coffee cup to her side of the little table.

"Thanks... Listen, I'm not good with the emotions... The opening up to people and the explaining what is going on in my life. I've had it rough. My father left and my mother was never there. I- I left the other night because my, well, I guess my _fiance_, flew into Seattle. He followed me from New York."

She paused.

"We were together for three years. I found him with _a friend_. In my bed... Our bed. Mine and his..." She couldn't cry. No, literally. There were no more tears left.

"That's when my world came crashing down. I never thought I'd become... Rather, that I'd _find_ someone or that I'd fall in love. I didn't believe in marriage, successful relationships... I didn't. I don't. Well, I _did_..." She sighed, frustrated.

"So, he called when I was with you. I'd ignored him for too long and it became too much for me to bear. I answered. He came to my hotel room. Said things. He's always saying things... And I didn't know what to think. But I have been thinking about it. About all of it. _Everything_. I can't do it anymore. I can't let him hurt me again... And I'm usually quick to forgive. I just can't do it this time. I feel like there's something wrong with me... But _I. Can't. Do it._"

_It came out like a river once I let it out  
When I thought that I wouldn't know how  
Held onto it forever just pushing it down  
Felt so good to let go of it now  
Not wrapping this in ribbons  
Shouldn't have to give a reason why_

And that's when her protective shell broke. Her emotions hidden in that little box which she thoughtfully stuffed in her metaphorical closet... Never to come out again. It was easier not to think about it.

She opened up Pandora's box.

She went to stand up, to leave the little coffee shop, but Derek followed and she did not know what to make of it. So, she did not make anything of it. They walked. Silently.

Meredith vaguely felt his fingers intertwine hers. She vaguely felt his arm wrap around her waist afterward.

She felt numb.

She felt that Mark could metaphorically kick her again, and she wouldn't feel anything.

But she was a strong, independent woman. She _would_ get through this. The wounds were fresh, and she needed her coping time, just like any other human being would need. She needed a support group. At least _one_ person.

_If I could see the future and how this plays out  
I bet it's better than where we are now  
After going through this, it's easier to see the reason why_


End file.
